short people got no reason

I generally get my mornings started off with an unhealthy dose of that damnable Katie Kouric, allowing myself just enough of the perky she-demon to help bring out my negative energy and ensure a relatively positive and tranquil rest of the today. I try, as a rule, not to get too angry at things on television, with the notable exception of those bastards at the Hallmark Channel who abruptly stopped their mid-day back to back episodes of Perry Mason a few months back so that back to back episodes of Matlock could take their place, as if TBS had not already exhausted the series.

Anyway, the other I opted to take in the E Hollywood True Story of one Mr. Herve Villechaize while consuming blueberry waffles and apple butter. You might know him better from his role as “Tatoo”, the sidekick to Ricardo Montoban’s “Mr. Rourke” from Fantasy Island. As expected, this seemingly lovable little Frenchman led a sad and poignant life filled with alcoholism, womanizing, drug use, and a failed art career before ending it himself in the early nineties. It was nearly enough to make me weep into my breakfast martini and made me recall a completely unrelated conversation I had with the wife a while back. It turns out that “little people” prefer to be called “dwarves”. The word “midget” is now incorrect nomenclature and even viewed by many in the dwarf community as derogatory and insulting, though I would have assumed it to be the opposite.

“Dwarf” seems so mythological, methinks. It would sort of be like the scientific community deciding that they would like to be known as “wizards” and science as “wizardry” from here on out. “Dwarf” makes me think that they should be somewhere guarding a pot of gold, stealing goats, or starring in a Zeppelin video…By the way, does anybody remember that band “Killer Dwarves”? They had that video where a literal killer dwarf would show up in a crate marked “Killer Dwarves” and still people would open the crate. Madness ensued. It was the Eighties.

Anyway, I was just wondering how the word “dwarf” won out and if all the dwarves are on board with it. Perhaps it is the correct scientific term and some wizard decreed that it heretofore be employed when discussing them. If so, and all the dwarves are on board with it, then so it shall be in my vocabulary from here on out. More power to you. Let it be known that Rex L. Camino has nothing but love for the dwarf, and would be especially appreciative to any that showed up in Katie Kouric’s dressing room in a “Killer Dwarves” crate.