the smell of the traveling rex (in case you were wondering)

The thing about hotel soap is that it makes you smell like someone else. It may be something that you only notice on a subconscious level, but it is there. Soap from a nice resort will make you feel like a better person, and soap from a neglected Super 8 will make you feel like putting out a Winston Light into a half-eaten plate of steak and eggs at the Waffle House while wearing your asskicking hat.

The soap at Holiday Inn makes me feel for some reason like I need to be fetching a drink for Chuck Woolery.

The soap at your nicer hotels will often take the shape of sea shells and will boast of being "French milled". My soap at home is square and "freedom milled", and I forgot to bring it with me.

Also, I can't seem to locate my asskicking hat.

But don't let that give you the impression that I am unable to kick ass.