a pirate looks at thirty-two

You know, just once I’d like for Jimmy Buffett to run into some actual pirates. I've never actually seen any myself but I’m given to understand that their lifestyle has very little to do with songs about cheeseburgers or fruity drinks or restaurant franchises based on said songs. Blackbeard once shot the kneecaps off of a cabin boy as an example to the rest of the crew when he thought they were going soft. Jimmy Buffett loses his saltshaker and proceeds to wallow in self-pity. About the only similarities I can see is that the two of them have boats. I have a bicycle and one testicle, but you won’t see me claiming to be Lance Armstrong.

Wait, there are two. Nevermind.

But I digress.

I am thirty-two today. Soon my age and waist size will be as one, though my waist size keeps creeping higher in what I can only assume is a valiant attempt at avoiding this inevitability.

Other than that, I can’t complain much.