the foley foodfight

A friend asked if I had a chance to partake of the throwed rolls while in Foley. He was of course speaking about Lambert's Cafe, a Cracker Barrel-esque establishment with the notable distinction/gimmick of having waiters throw bread at paying customers.

I did not.

I’m sure that the food is fine and the waiters throw with a tempered velocity and without any malice whatsoever toward the hordes of pasty invading tourists. I’m sure that a good time is had by all and that no one ever suffers an injury and no rolls make it on to the floor and then somehow wind up thrown to customers elsewhere who are completely oblivious to the fact that Uncle Willy on the other side of the restaurant has lost quite a bit of reaction time in his eighty years. I’m sure also that everyone washes his or her hands.

However, I still have no plans to sample any of these throwed rolls.

The whole concept elicits more questions than answers. For instance, does one ask for a roll to be thrown or are they tossed at random? Must I then maintain a cat-like state of readiness throughout my meal? Should I remain sober and alert in order to sharpen my reaction time? And what of the young and the elderly? If I bring along my grandmother will I then also have to keenly be aware of any projectile bread products within her vicinity? Is anywhere safe from these rolls? Must I remain guarded while in the restroom, lest some quick cornbread to the side of the face disrupts an otherwise unguarded moment?

Methinks the whole situation would not be conducive to proper digestion.

Still, some people are obviously into that sort of thing, and I dare not judge them. But as for me and mine we will stick to any one of the thousands of seafood restaurants that sit around Lambert’s. There, any thrown food will be taken as a sign of primate aggression and then dealt with accordingly.

I will get up and run away with the all the speed and adrenaline of a skittish marmot, which is actually a much more natural reaction than feigning giddiness at having your meal thrown at you.