ways in which i would not like to die

My list of “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die” is quite long, encompassing pretty much everything from a slow, painful and unspeakably horrible demise to being snuggled to death by puppies and kittens*. In fact, there is no list of “Ways In Which I Would Prefer To Perish From This Earth”. Yes, I know that some ways to die are better than others, but my preference of being undead over being dead always gets in the way of that list’s composition.

I was thinking about this on Saturday when I read of the unfortunate Bonaroovian who wandered into the path of Ricky Skaggs’ tour bus. It seemed quite an odd and senseless tragedy, but the thing that stuck with me was this quote from Carrie Anne, a Skaggs fan approached by The Tennessean for quoting purposes among the Bonaroo crowd:

"There are worse ways to go than to be hit by Ricky Skaggs' tour bus."

I’ll be honest here; I really haven’t considered “being hit by Ricky Skaggs’ tour bus” at any time while reviewing or revising my “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die” list. I’m sure there are indeed worse ways to go, but being hit by a bus would still fall rather highly on the list. I would like to even say that being hit by the tour bus of Ricky Skaggs would be preferable to being vanquished by the tour bus of Tim McGraw, but it wouldn’t. You are still being hit by an effing bus, and buses are composed of things that, if hurling towards you at a good fifty or sixty miles an hour, never fail to prove victorious over mere flesh and bone.

Therefore, until such time as buses are either made of foam or cotton candy I’ll remain firmly in the camp that believes that being hit by a bus is a damn shitty way to go, regardless of who happens to be occupying said bus at the time.

That’s just how I roll.




* I’m afraid that this is as specific as I can be on my list of “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die”, as the list itself falls rather highly on my list of “Things Mine Enemies Must Never Learn About Me”.