Monday, June 19, 2006

ways in which i would not like to die

My list of “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die” is quite long, encompassing pretty much everything from a slow, painful and unspeakably horrible demise to being snuggled to death by puppies and kittens*. In fact, there is no list of “Ways In Which I Would Prefer To Perish From This Earth”. Yes, I know that some ways to die are better than others, but my preference of being undead over being dead always gets in the way of that list’s composition.

I was thinking about this on Saturday when I read of the unfortunate Bonaroovian who wandered into the path of Ricky Skaggs’ tour bus. It seemed quite an odd and senseless tragedy, but the thing that stuck with me was this quote from Carrie Anne, a Skaggs fan approached by The Tennessean for quoting purposes among the Bonaroo crowd:
"There are worse ways to go than to be hit by Ricky Skaggs' tour bus."
I’ll be honest here; I really haven’t considered “being hit by Ricky Skaggs’ tour bus” at any time while reviewing or revising my “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die” list. I’m sure there are indeed worse ways to go, but being hit by a bus would still fall rather highly on the list. I would like to even say that being hit by the tour bus of Ricky Skaggs would be preferable to being vanquished by the tour bus of Tim McGraw, but it wouldn’t. You are still being hit by an effing bus, and buses are composed of things that, if hurling towards you at a good fifty or sixty miles an hour, never fail to prove victorious over mere flesh and bone.
Therefore, until such time as buses are either made of foam or cotton candy I’ll remain firmly in the camp that believes that being hit by a bus is a damn shitty way to go, regardless of who happens to be occupying said bus at the time.

That’s just how I roll.

* I’m afraid that this is as specific as I can be on my list of “Ways In Which I Would Not Like To Die”, as the list itself falls rather highly on my list of “Things Mine Enemies Must Never Learn About Me”.


Blogger SistaSmiff said...

Red O'Donnell, who was a longtime columnist for the Nashville Banner, used to always say he wouldn't go to the City Dump cause he didn't want to keel over there and the paper say "Columnist Dies At City Dump." One time, he interviewed Ann Margret and he told her that would be a good place to die so the obituary could say "Red O'Donnell Dies In Arms of Ann Margret." Funny man.

Ricky and crew are pretty torn up about all this. Sad all around.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous sethro (tull) said...

it's seems one bonaroo death is expected at every festival and i thought that this was a better way for it to happen than a simple drug overdose, fluke brain hemerage, shiving, or what-have-you.

i like to think the deceased gentleman's last words might have been "no ricky, don't go, don't go...!!!"

5:59 PM  
Blogger newscoma said...

I do not want to be cannabalized (read Off Season by Jack Ketchum) or eaten by squirrels.
Or hit by a bus driven by Narvel Felts. That would not be of the good either.

7:44 AM  
Anonymous j.c. nickle said...

I've often thought the best way to go would be from massive semen loss.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Well, it's pretty cool to die by way of such a cliche. I mean, everyone says, "they could be hit by a bus tomorrow" but how many people really ever get hit by a bus and die?

Personally, though, I would have rather ODd. Probably more fun.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Lee said...

I would prefer death by snoo snoo.

Any Futurama geeks out there?

1:11 PM  
Blogger newscoma said...

I found this and thought you might appreciate it. Fifty Most Embarrassing ways to die. And the Ten Coolest

11:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home