five true tales of rex

There is no other option than to oblige when one is kindly tagged by Miss Brittney. These are supposed to be five things you don't know about me, but I can't be expected to recall everything I've said here before, so some of these may very well be repeats. Anyway, I suppose it doesn't matter that much so long as I tell the lie the same way twice.

1. I was briefly related to Jerry Lee Lewis during the marriage of my cousin to his sister, Linda Gail Lewis. I was too young to remember it, but Jerry Lee actually attended a family function back in the late seventies and promptly proceeded to liven up the gathering with the assistance of his trusty flask. He was, by all accounts, the biggest asshole anyone had ever met. However, that's how you knew it was really Jerry Lee.

2. I made it all the way through college without once ever using a computer. It was the mid nineties and your average technophobe was still able to write papers using only a typewriter, scribbled notes, a pot of coffee, and a pack of smokes. It wasn't until I married Mrs. Camino a year after graduating in 1998 that I got into this whole computer and Internet bid'ness. You can therefore blame her.

3. I was a sort of child prodigy when it came to doodling. I probably started drawing before I could talk and would often spend hours scribbling away. I never really transferred this into anything occupationally beneficial, aside from the occasional freelance graphic design gig, but I'm still known for doodling away in meetings and such. This often irritates others, as it gives the appearance of an utter lack of attention. However, it's actually the best way for me to stay focused and remember anything that was said.

4. I've seen UFOs on two separate occasions. The first was in high school with a couple of other people. We spent a couple of hours watching these two lights that at first resembled airplanes moving around in odd patterns across the sky. However, I doubt they were airplanes, as airplanes rarely make sharp ninety-degree angle turns in mid flight. I was unfortunately alone for the second and more impressive UFO viewing. I was perfectly sober and brushing my teeth before bed one night back in college when I noticed some blue and red lights fly over my apartment and across an adjacent field. It was completely silent and looked just like one of the UFOs in Close Encounters. I watched it for a full thirty seconds through the bathroom window before it disappeared over the horizon. Super-secret military technology seems the more plausible explanation in both cases, but I may just be telling myself that to keep the alien probes away.

5. I was a vegetarian for a while. I worked in a butcher shop back in high school and was given the responsibility of making sure all the equipment was absolutely spotless for the frequent health inspector visitations, and cleaning meat scraps from machinery all afternoon is probably one of the easiest motivations for vegetarianism. I eventually got another job and began eating fish and chicken again but laid off the red meat and pork for a good three or four years. Then I passed by a Wendy's one day and remembered how much I loved their hamburgers. It was easily the best hamburger I ever ate.