seven deadlies

The 'coma hit me with a meme asking for seven personal accomplishments in 2006. I suppose I will oblige, as it seems pretty safe at this point to say that I will accomplish nothing else in aught-six, but let it be noted that "accomplishments" are not always good things.

1. I killed James Brown. I didn't mean to, of course, but I did, and there you have it. This may be of little solace to the Brown clan, but there was really no way of knowing it would happen until Mr. Brown passed away and the pattern then availed itself. You see, I happened to notice that I've only devoted two posts to soul singers, yet each of those singers died within a month or two of the post. There was this sophomoric bit of word play and photoshopping devoted to Lou Rawls and then this bit about the Hardest Working Godfather of Al Sharpton. Each seemed harmless enough at the time, yet they robbed the world of two irreplaceable voices. Sorry about that.

2. Lou Rawls actually died in January of aught-six, so I suppose I should list his demise among my accoplishments for this year.

3. I found some poor bastard to impersonate me at blogger functions in aught-six. He hasn't embarrassed himself too badly, I suppose, but he certainly hasn't been earning his five bucks and seventy-five cents an hour.

4. I half-heartedly ran for senate and was surprisingly unsuccessful. I guess people really do get the government they deserve. Bastards.

5. I think I was also running for governor. It's really hard to keep up with such things. At any rate, I changed my middle name to "Ladies" in an attempt to shore up the female vote, yet it was to no avail. Either that or only a handful of ladies voted. Anyway, I've changed it yet again for political purposes, just in case there are any more feeble political attempts in my future. The "L" now stands for "Low tax".

6. I finally purchased and began learning my way around a bull fiddle. Really, I don't understand why more musicians don't switch to instruments that can double as small apartments in those lean months.

7. I generally don't stick with things. This blog was started as a way to cheaply kill a month or two of unemployment, yet the humble blog 'o doom be closing in on two years in a few short months. I suppose that's an accomplishment.