now is the winter of my content

Folks, you won't hear me complaining about our unseasonably warm winter. I don't know if we indeed have global warming to thank for it, but our recent spring-like temperatures have done little to dissuade me from my SUV, my styrofoam pants, leaving the Christmas lights up year round, ignoring anything Leonardo DiCaprio says when he's not playing someone infinitely more interesting than Leonardo DiCaprio, or simply coating myself in motor oil when I want to feel special. In fact, I've been weighing the pros and cons of global warming and I've come up with the following. The benefits would be:

1. No more winter.

2. No more Florida.

3. Eskimos can grow corn.

I haven't really found any cons other than:

1. The extended summer might require one to shave his or her back more often.

2. There might be killer bees or something along the lines of a B-movie plague. I'd personally like to see flying armadillos.

Then there are the scenarios in which global warming actual cases a global cooling and a decrease in temperatures. I'm always unable to follow the science in these discussions, as I failed the majority of science classes taken in college and talk of science often leaves my thoughts too heavy and my brain confused, but I imagine some of the cons of a global cooling to be:

1. I can safely assume from the description that it will be cold, and that is exactly the opposite of the goal we had with global warming.

2. Eskimos, perhaps emboldened by the extended range of their beloved cold, will begin sneaking over the Canadian border to take the jobs that Americans won't do.

Anyway, it's just something to think about.