and a porkpie hat

Don't think that I wouldn't want one of those pencil thin moustaches, because I certainly would. I can grow one, mind you, but it is the maintenance of intricate facial hair that is the problem. One needs a steady hand and good sense of symmetry.

I'm afraid that my hands posses the resolve of a fruit bat in a wind tunnel, and my symmetrical detection is perhaps too keen. I am the sort who will sit there all day after shaving and constantly measure my sideburns to see that they are even. They never are, and I am coming to accept that. Life is simply unfair unfair to some.