i am not neil orne.
Some wayward individual recently emailed to ask if I am actually Neil Orne. I am not.
But if I were Neil I would tell that Bob Mueller to stop strutting around the newsroom with his shirt off and shouting things like “I am the Magnum P.I. of news, Bitch!” just before a series of grunts and karate kicks. I would then tell him to stop parking his rusted firebird with tinted windows and “No Fat Chicks” decal in my parking place. I would also ask that he sweep the pile of crushed and empty Colt .45 cans from underneath the desk before he leaves at night. That shit isn’t funny at five every morning, or so I am told. And if he didn’t stop I would threaten to tell Nashville that the moustache is actually a hallucinogenic toxin-producing Ecuadorian caterpillar that Mr. Mueller glues to his upper lip just before going on air, and that Mr. Mueller, in reality, has no more capacity for facial hair than Charlie Neese, teenage meteorologist for a competing network. I am sure that if I were Neil I would miss my early days here at WKRN when Turko ran the social order of the newsroom, and Bobby was kept in check.
But if I were Neil I would tell that Bob Mueller to stop strutting around the newsroom with his shirt off and shouting things like “I am the Magnum P.I. of news, Bitch!” just before a series of grunts and karate kicks. I would then tell him to stop parking his rusted firebird with tinted windows and “No Fat Chicks” decal in my parking place. I would also ask that he sweep the pile of crushed and empty Colt .45 cans from underneath the desk before he leaves at night. That shit isn’t funny at five every morning, or so I am told. And if he didn’t stop I would threaten to tell Nashville that the moustache is actually a hallucinogenic toxin-producing Ecuadorian caterpillar that Mr. Mueller glues to his upper lip just before going on air, and that Mr. Mueller, in reality, has no more capacity for facial hair than Charlie Neese, teenage meteorologist for a competing network. I am sure that if I were Neil I would miss my early days here at WKRN when Turko ran the social order of the newsroom, and Bobby was kept in check.
That is just what I think I would say if I was Neil, but I am not.
posted by Rex L. Camino at 5:37 PM
5 Comments:
You are my hero.
And you're right about that Charlie Neese. He looks 12.
Thanks, Brittney.
I imagine that the work environment described is all too real to you.
Here's something, though, rex...if you were Neil then you'd get to go home to Heather every night. :)
Only bummer, huh!
XOXO
C
As I read your post again...I had to share this with you. Charlie Neese is lovingly referred to as "Man Boy" !
"Man Boy". I love that. I will have to amend my list of nicknames for local celebrities.
Heather Orne...indeed.
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