Monday, July 11, 2005

when batmen go bad

This may just be an urban legend, but I recall this story from a few years back:

A woman pulled into her driveway and heard bloodcurdling screams from the house next door. She immediately ran to her neighbor’s house and checked the doors until she found one of them unlocked. Once inside, she followed the screams to the master bedroom in the back of the house. The wife of the house was the one screaming. She was naked, tied to the bedposts, and hysterical about her husband on the floor be side of the bed. He was unconscious and naked except for a Batman mask, cape, and utility belt.

What had happened—as the paramedics later gathered—was that husband had been attempting to leap from the dresser to the bed when he made contact with the ceiling fan. His wife thought that he had broken his neck and immediately began screaming for any and all in the neighborhood. The husband had only a mild concussion, but he may have preferred a broken neck when he awoke in the back of the ambulance.

I thought of this when I heard about the recent series of video store robberies in Nashville committed by a man in a Batman mask and cape. The thing that bothers me about this is that I can’t figure out what purpose the cape serves. I only mention it because the news reports make them sound like two separate items. One would think that the mask is enough to conceal his identity, and that the cape would just be cumbersome and unnecessary. He is otherwise clothed in fatigues and a black sweater (in this weather?), and has opted to go without the utility belt. Anyway, read what little there is to read about it here. Where are you on this, WKRN?

I also think of the urban legend every time a new Batman movie comes out. I thought about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise recently when she was out promoting the hell out of her courtship and then mentioning Batman Begins as an afterthought. I pictured Tom in a Batman mask and cape making contact with a ceiling fan and then falling to the Earth muttering something about L. Ron Hubbard. The paramedics would show up and Tom would tell them how to do their jobs because he had read something one time about how to deal with this sort of thing.

They would no doubt try to help anyway—those glib bastards.

5 Comments:

Blogger Blake Wylie said...

Rex, Rex...you don't even — you're glib.

By the way...I wonder if the knife he used was shaped like a bat.

12:15 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

I wondered that very same thing.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Just dropped in (courtesy of Aunt B.) and very much like what I see. Some creepy similarities--interest-wise. I've taken the liberty of linking to your site. I'm a shifty bastard like that.

I like the Elvis/Memphis stuff. My family's sad claim to fame is that my father was Elvis's sergeant during E's first three dyas in the Army. Whoo-hoo!

10:25 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Welcome, Ryan. Glad to meet ya.

I am equally shifty and have reciprocated the favor.

7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're glib, Rex. You're glib. But people are dying from jumping from the dresser to the bed dressed as Batman and making contact with ceiling fans. You haven't done the research! I have. I know that ceiling fans don't actually help push the ceiling up! It's a pseudo-science! Do you know how many people are dying because of ceiling fans? Do you know? I KNOW. I've done the research. I CARE!!! I CARE ABOUT HUMAN PEOPLE!!!

Yours in Ron,

Tom C.

11:01 PM  

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