Wednesday, November 16, 2005

a cedar bucket update

Hearts break every day in Murfreesboro. Carloads of vacationing families who ventured here in the hopes of having their picture taken with the World's Largest Cedar Bucket come away from Cannonsburg with a new sense of the world's cruelty and are often left to wander the downtown square in a zombie-like state with their thirst for gargantuan novelties unquenched.
It has been some five months since the bucket burning. In that time our hapless university football team with their My Little Pony mascot was able to railroad Vanderbilt's dream season, but it brought little joy to the citizenry, as there is a hole the size of one big ass bucket in our collective hearts that cannot be filled even with meaningless sporting victories.
But it was with mixed emotions that I read this story from the Tennessean on the bucket's rebuilding.
Do I want a new bucket? Yes, of course I do. But more than that I want vengeance brought down upon those who would take my original bucket from me. Establishing severe consequences for bucket terrorism is the only way to provide a safe environment for the new bucket, and faith in the security of the new bucket is the only way to ensure a rebuilding of the Murfreesboro World's Largest Cedar Bucket tourism industry.
But are we any closer to catching these culprits and bringing them to justice? The crime, according to the Murfreesboro Police Department, is still "under investigation". Very little has been said beyond that, and things are beginning to look bleak.
But I think the question we need to ask ourselves is this: Who profited the most from the elimination of the bucket?
It was the World's Second Largest Cedar Bucket, that's who. This bucket has bore the moniker of World's Largest Cedar Bucket since that fateful night in June, but I would venture to say that "prime suspect in the arson of the World's Largest Cedar Bucket" would be a title more befitting.


Blogger Chez Bez said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:41 AM  
Blogger Chez Bez said...

Stop making me cry, Rex. In honor of our town's loss, I played Cinderella's "Don't Know What You've Got Until It's Gone" this morning.

I've lived in this bustling, progressive little town for two years now, and I never even ventured to see the bucket. I'm not even sure I deserved the bucket.

Carry on, fellow townsman.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous sethro said...

if a new bucket is built (and it should be) it should be called the "freedom bucket" and it should be rigged with some sort of sensored explosive device which is highly attenuated to the presence of fire and set to expolded the bucket should arsonists attempt to destory it. this would send a deadly hail of cedar splinters in all directions, impaling the would be terrorists.
woe be unto those who would disrespect or proud municipal landmark!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

That was the beauty of the bucket, Michael: It was there for each of us, even though none deserved it.

Good idea, Sethro, but what the new bucket really needs is a full time legion of minutemen constantly patroling Canonsburg.

4:11 PM  

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