a cedar bucket update

Hearts break every day in Murfreesboro. Carloads of vacationing families who ventured here in the hopes of having their picture taken with the World's Largest Cedar Bucket come away from Cannonsburg with a new sense of the world's cruelty and are often left to wander the downtown square in a zombie-like state with their thirst for gargantuan novelties unquenched.

It has been some five months since the bucket burning. In that time our hapless university football team with their My Little Pony mascot was able to railroad Vanderbilt's dream season, but it brought little joy to the citizenry, as there is a hole the size of one big ass bucket in our collective hearts that cannot be filled even with meaningless sporting victories.

But it was with mixed emotions that I read this story from the Tennessean on the bucket's rebuilding.

Do I want a new bucket? Yes, of course I do. But more than that I want vengeance brought down upon those who would take my original bucket from me. Establishing severe consequences for bucket terrorism is the only way to provide a safe environment for the new bucket, and faith in the security of the new bucket is the only way to ensure a rebuilding of the Murfreesboro World's Largest Cedar Bucket tourism industry.

But are we any closer to catching these culprits and bringing them to justice? The crime, according to the Murfreesboro Police Department, is still "under investigation". Very little has been said beyond that, and things are beginning to look bleak.

But I think the question we need to ask ourselves is this: Who profited the most from the elimination of the bucket?

It was the World's Second Largest Cedar Bucket, that's who. This bucket has bore the moniker of World's Largest Cedar Bucket since that fateful night in June, but I would venture to say that "prime suspect in the arson of the World's Largest Cedar Bucket" would be a title more befitting.