Tuesday, November 29, 2005

your assignment

There were often days during my brief year of teaching in which the gifted little bastards would exhaust the lesson plan and leave me with some improvisational cat herding to do. It was then that I came up with an extensive list of first lines for children’s stories and passed them out for the kids to finish. They would each get a few minutes to add their parts and then pass them along to the next kid. I may not have learned them their grammar good, but I kept them entertained, and that’s all that really matters, as robots, foreigners, and foreign robots will probably fill all the jobs they aspire to by the time they graduate.

Anyway, I thought that some of you might also enjoy this sort of thing. I’ll leave you with one of the sentences. You can add your parts in the comments section, and I will then take credit for it and rake in millions if it appears to be a lucrative children’s story. Actually, it will probably just sit alongside my other, often rejected and misunderstood children stories, The Smoking Monkey That Could, But Didn’t and There’s Nothing Funner Than A Butterknife In The Eye.

I’ll be landscaping in Outer Brentwood and away from the computer all day. I assume you won’t need a substitute, but bear in mind that the nerdy kids will be taking names and that there are many nerdy kids out there.
Here goes:
"The angry squirrel crept up slowly behind the slumbering buffalo."

15 Comments:

Blogger H.U.T.S. said...

The squirrel jumped on the buffalo's back and raised his machete

8:56 AM  
Blogger melusina said...

As the squirrel started to bring down the machete, the buffalo farted, suprising the squirrel, forcing both squirrel and machete 7 feet into the air.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. Camino said...

He was hurtling toward a murky swamp and the gaping mouth of a ravenous alligator when a migrating whooping crane swooped down, grabbed him by the tail, and tossed him onto her back.

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

The squirrel cried out, "Lord, I just wanted some buffalo nuts!"

12:24 PM  
Blogger H.U.T.S. said...

"but I think I'll have spicy crane wings instead" the squirrel continued as he raised his machete again.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous sethro (tull) said...

but the squirrel, mistaken for a night monkey was suddenly swarmed by reporters hungry for another engaging story.

4:38 PM  
Blogger D. Wooderson said...

A bit irked because he hadn't captured the entire ordeal on film, the buffalo - still a bit woozy from his nap - lumbered away from the scene...and stumbled into a Pegasus.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous tha b said...

to which the pegasus admonished: 'get out of me... damn buffalos... can't turn my back on you for a second...'

Shedding the buffalo from within itself, the pegasus took flight daring to save the squirrel/kinkajoua wannabe from the talons of the media...

11:58 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Sadly, it was only able to thwart those journalists from Vanderbilt, as it was the very same Pegasus that represents the athletic teams of MTSU.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Lee said...

So it was not to be, and the squirrel/kinkajou wannabe landed in the evil clutches Pat O'Brien, and forced to do an interview for The Insider while doing coke.

10:30 AM  
Blogger H.U.T.S. said...

Pat O'Brien told him coke wasn't the way, but to try alcohol as it helped him pick up chicks!

11:59 AM  
Blogger Busy Mom said...

Then, all of a sudden, Ed McMahon ran by carrying a haggis, and said...

12:53 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

"has anyone seen Madonna? I wanna see if she's really gone so far over the deep end into Britishness that she'll eat this piece of garbage!"

To which Rosie O'Donnell replied....

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

"You gonna eat that haggis, Ed?"

8:33 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

But she was jowl deep into the Scottish dish before the amiable sidekick could answer.

This pleased the squirrel, as an occupied Rosie O'Donnel lessened the likelihood of her being able to refer to him as "skwa-rel" in her thick New York accent.

9:13 AM  

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