Saturday, November 19, 2005

your daily kinkajou update

When will Rex L. Camino shut up about the damn kinkajous?

It is a valid question, and I do not blame you in the least for asking it, but I think you will be glad that I alerted you to the dangers of the "night monkey" when you look out your window to see your neighbors ass deep in rabid kinkajou.

Yes, it looks as if this is an increasingly possible scenario, and only I hope that each of you on that day will be safe and secure, and that you will say, "It is as Rex L. Camino said it would be."

For instance, Pontotoc, site of the most recent attack, is now plagued with rumors of more bloodthirsty kinkajous on the loose.
Baby Luv, the small monkey that attacked owner Paris Hilton earlier this week, has turned out to be a kinkajou. However, I still don't blame the kinkajou in this case, as a civilized lingerie shop is really no place for a small monkey. Making the choice to either purchase lingerie or be with our monkeys is indeed a tough one, but it must be made, and millions of people make it on a daily basis. Not even the idle and super rich are free from this dilemma, and the young heiress has provided an example of what happens when we try for more than nature will allow.

Also, I think Baby Luv was understandably concerned about Paris’ purchase of a bullwhip with the lingerie.

Look, ours is a free society, and the mixing of lingerie, monkeys, and bullwhips certainly has its place, but things often end badly for one or more of the involved parties…or so I am told.

Perhaps my warnings have fallen on deaf ears, and there are those of you out there who still insist on a kinkajou of your own. Well, here is a pair for sale in Ohio. Be prepared to shell out two and a half grand and give some special attention to the female of the pair, as she, “is extremely territorial and protective of the male. She can and will attack on occasion to protect him.”

I have no doubts that your children will beam with the most exuberant expressions of joy when they find a pair of kinkajous under the tree on Christmas morning. It is only natural, and it will be a kind and loving gesture on your part. However, do not be surprised when a face full of jealous and angry kinkajou abruptly obscures their giddy smiles.

Still, it will at least build character and teach them that they live in a harsh world where, at any given moment, seemingly happy monkeys can leap on them and bite at their flesh. Many of us learn such lessons all too late in life.


I noticed this morning that esteemed Murfreesboro blogger, donut aficionado, and advocate against vibrating implements, A.C.
, has nominated this site for a 2005 weblog award in the category of best humor/comics blog.
Many thanks, Senor Kleinheider. We here at the Blog of Doom are honored.


Blogger John H said...

You are a worthy nominee and on top of that, the place to go for up-to-date kinkajou news.

When Trent Lott announced he wasn't ever going to read any more blogs, he didn't realize what he was going to miss.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Thanks, John.

It is Lott's very state that is now gripped in the fear of the kinkajou. Oh, the irony!

3:12 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

I'm sorry, but I was laughing so hard at this, that I thought I'd choke to death...

I hope you're happy.;-p

Oh, and congrats on the nomination.

10:12 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

I'm glad you didn't choke to death, Katherine.

Congrats on your nomination as well.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Vol Abroad said...

It's time for a cartoon representation of the kinkajou, Paris, the lingerie and the bullwhip. Especially the bullwhip.

Oh yeah, and set it all in Mississippi.

(I hope I'm not interfering in the creative process here)

Your site is damn funny, I hope you win.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Paris, lingerie, and a bullwhip?

That is a difficult order, VA, and one that may be too difficult to tastefully pull off here (especially considering the fact that I run this site primarily for children), but I will at least make an attempt to oblige in part.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous sethro said...

night monkeys, bullwhips and "frippery".....are Lucas and Spielberg still working on that 4th Indiana Jones script?
"Indiana Jones: attack of the night monkey" has a blockbuster ring to it. ...and i bet Karen Allen still looks good in a bit of frippery.

3:05 PM  
Blogger Joe Powell said...

Daaaaannng, Rex.
I've been trying to pronounce the name
"kinkajou" and it sure sounds mighty odd and/or politcally incorrect no matter how i try it.

Maybe it's French?

I can say "chupacabra" out loud but i try not to.

And are we SURE that's not just a baby Paris gave birth too and dresses funny?

9:21 PM  
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2:56 AM  

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