a campaign update

There were two things that really surprised me at last weeks blogger meet-up. The first was that a large number of primarily political bloggers had heard of and even read this humble site from time to time. The second was that a large number of you remembered that I am a write in candidate for the US senate seat soon to be vacated by Bill Frist.

Some of you may even be considering voting for me, and I can see why. If both sides succeed in eliminating Corker, the Republicans will then be left with the same two guys the party rolls out for each and every state race. You are understandably less than thrilled with this option. Liberals are even less thrilled with Harold Ford Jr., as he is undoubtedly to the right of the majority of you and will cast socially conservative votes on issues like gay marriage and such.

I would never do that because I never plan to actually vote. In fact, I will rarely even be in the chamber, as the majority of my time will be spent at the Smithsonian getting my learn on or gorging myself on beer and crab cakes in Maryland. I’ve even started a rough draft for the Smithsonian tour I plan to offer. Here’s a sampling:

Just before firing his fatal shots at Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth was overheard to shout "Sic Semper Tyrannis". This roughly translates to English as “Emancipate this, Beardy.” Indeed, it doesn’t sound like much. However, it was a stroke of brilliance on the part of Booth, as research into his victim’s history and tendencies led him to discovery one of Lincoln’s most regretted shortcomings. You see John Wilkes Booth knew full well that Latin was Lincoln’s poorest subject and that this fact bothered the president to no end. Lincoln was known to drop whatever matter he was presently embroiled in and immediately attempt to translate any and all Latin phrases that were muttered within earshot. This gave Booth a still and easy target.

Anyway, just think about it. We have sent politicians to Washington for far too long, and I just think it’s time to get the politicians out of politics for a while. I happen to think that my firm platform of non-voting would appeal to disgruntled voters of both sides but that’s just me. You won’t have to fear any frivolous amendments or embarrassing speeches from the floor of congress with me in office.

No, the only time I’ll show up is to provide any of my constituents a tour of the capital, attend any and all cocktail parties, and the state of the union address so I can get on the TV. I’ll be the one in the stovepipe hat.