fear of a plastic possum

Few things on television are as creepy as an aging male star who has opted for the facelift. In fact, I can’t watch Burt Reynolds anymore for fear that the surgical staples that keep the flesh stretched tightly across his skull may suddenly give way and slingshot into the other person in the scene.

The same thing goes for Kenny Rogers. I never needed him to be smooth and pretty; I only needed him to look like a man who looks like Kenny Rogers and so did the thousands of men who actively cultivate that look.

Which brings us to George Jones.

Is anyone else freaked out by his ever tightening face on all these local Nashville commercials that generally run in the morning and leave me spitting coffee and trying to suppress my blueberry waffles? I mean, if he keeps going at this rate he’ll soon tighten and shrivel down to the appearance of an overly laundered Muppet.

Look, people get old and drinking will take its toll. No one expects you to be any different, George. We’ve all heard the stories. Still, you had a hell of a music career before settling for the understandable position of trusted spokesperson. However, if you want me to buy your sausage or take your custom automotive advice you will need to do a better job of looking like an actual human being.