Tuesday, November 28, 2006

six weird things

Sarasue was kind enough to tag me on the “six weird things about myself” post. It took me a while to come up with something, as I understandably seem pretty normal to myself and could more easily come up with weird things about Mrs. Camino or anyone else I come in contact with, but some thought on the matter eventually uncovered a few things. I’ll attempt to relay six that aren’t too embarrassing and probably don’t require professional attention, though I doubt they’re all that interesting.

1. My bat-like hearing picks up on every little rattle within a car and it drives me insane. If I’m in a car with you and there is a rattle going on somewhere you can rest assured that I’ve heard little of anything you’ve said.

2. If I had the money I would not wear the same pair of socks twice. They’re never quite as comfortable as the first time you wear them, and it is a travesty that in the wealthiest nation on earth only the super rich can afford to treat socks as disposable.

3. I also can’t stand it if my socks are the slightest bit uneven. I sometimes have to go through my rather large sock drawer trying to match up socks that are the same length. It then bothers me that I might be wearing one sock that has been washed more than the other, but I deal with it. I may not have heard anything you just said to me because I’m busy quietly dealing with it in my head, but my whole problem with “unevenness” is indeed getting better. For instance, when I was growing up and would bump into a door with my shoulder I would then have to bump into the same door with the other shoulder to even it out. This wouldn’t extend to things like slamming my hand in the car door or stubbing my toe on furniture, but it had to be done on the small-scale collisions. Anyway, now it’s just limited to compulsively attempting to even out my socks and sideburns.

4. But that isn’t to say that I no longer bump into things. I do, and it happens quite frequently, as I seem to have very poor depth perception and would probably move about more effectively if I employed my bat-like hearing and coupled it with some high pitch screeching in order to create a sonar effect. I’m always either bumping into things or misjudging the distance of objects on a table. In fact, if I spend any amount of time in your house and leave without tripping over something or knocking anything over you can rest assured that I was too busy concentrating on not doing those things to have heard the majority of our conversation.

5. I can’t fall asleep without a radio on, preferably tuned to non-political talk radio or new age, jazz, or classical music. I will otherwise keep myself awake obsessively thinking about random and insignificant things.

6. I’m a compulsive cat startler. If a cat walks by and I can sense that the slightest flinch will send it a good foot or so in the air I will make it happen. It’s a bit like fishing. One has to wait for that perfect moment in which the smallest movement will garner the biggest reaction and then seize upon it. It may be a bit cruel, but I daresay that few things in life are as amusing as a startled cat taking flight, though attempting the same thing when the cat walks under a coffee table can render the satisfactory thud of the cat’s head against the underside. This has the added bonus of the cat startler not being able to see the cat and having to just know when the perfect moment to flinch is. It occurs to me that the holy grail of the sport would be to get a cat to hit the underside of the dining room table, but that is perhaps thinking too big.
By the way, the cat always finds a way to avenge itself. This usually consists of leaping out from behind furniture to attack me like Cato in the Pink Panther movies, thus continuing the vicious circle


Anonymous Sara Sue said...

Niiiiice! You sure you aren't related to Gerald Ford?

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. C said...

One would think that car-rattle/sock-matching obsessions would be accompanied by other Felix-type behaviours such as vacuuming and toilet bowl cleaning, but that is not the case.

9:11 AM  
Blogger newscoma said...

You are not right.
I would like to be a cat stalker.
Seems fun.

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Kate O' said...

I confess to being a cat startler, as well. Not usually by intent, but when I manage to startle one of our six cats accidentally, I get a really good laugh out of it.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

That's how it starts, Kate. You start off doing it by accident but soon find yourself hiding behind the door with the vacuum cleaner in hand.

You forgot that I indeed use the vacuum cleaner for something, Mrs. C.

4:11 PM  
Blogger ceeelcee said...

Ahh, your bat-hearing brings back memories of the long station wagon ride back from Panama City Beach with two slightly leaky and extremely squeaky cheap styrofoam coolers full of shrimp.

It could be an Abu Grahb torture.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Styrofoam containers on a road trip is pure madness, man.

7:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm...are you aware that 1, 2, and 3 would suggest Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

10:50 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

I think #6 would also count, Scoob.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Mr. Mack said...

I am a seasoned cat-startler. For 47 years years, give or take, I have polished my skills to the point where I can get most any cat airborn on the first try, and usually just by a well-honed hiss. I say most any cat, because my reign of cat terror came to an end with the addition of Gary to our household. He's a large, long haired siamese mix that just will not startle. I've even strategically placed loud remote controlled devices along his favorite pathway, and he mostly ignores them, or, worse, yawns. He really is one laid back cat. He perches under the bird feader all day, and I mean all day, until he eventually falls asleep, then the birds return, and even feed on the seed that falls down all around him. Sometimes he wakes up, but elects to return to sleep rather than make the easy catch. Anyway, Mr. Camino, if you can suggest something that might help me with this maddening problem, drop me a line, and I will immediately put it into action.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Siamese cats, in my experience, are odd ducks. You can never predict the behavior of a Siamese cat or understand the actions they take once they've taken them, but I'm sure you've learned that already. I or anyone else claiming to have magical cat torturing powers be of no use to you when it comes to this particular breed, and anyone who says otherwise is boldfaced liar.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Poodle said...

Rex! I totally had the unevenness problem as a child too and don't think I've ever discussed it with a soul. Whoa - the memories just came flooding back. Thank God it went away with age. It's time-consuming.

10:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home