for those about to shop

“Back to school” commercials still have the same ability to slowly gnaw a hole in my stomach as they did when I was a student or a teacher. Back then it was easy to diagnose, as the barrage clearly meant the end of summer and freedom. That was simple enough. Now it is a bit more complicated and may have more to do with marking the distance from childhood. Then again, maybe it is just a well-engrained Pavlovian reaction that can never be shaken.

At any rate, the onslaught is in full effect and even prompted me to get out and do a bit of shopping this weekend. One must be prepared for the likelihood of job interviews or court appearances.

After a day of shopping I am left with one tormenting question: When the hell did AC/DC become a clichéd clothing logo?

It seems like everywhere I went they were selling AC/DC memorabilia, and I found it hard to believe that they were referring to the very same AC/DC of my youth. I know that kids aren’t listening to my AC/DC these days, because I have been around them and I know full well that they are listening to Green Day, Blink 182, and other assorted crap. Were these teenagers of today not so full of PCP and likely to be packing heat, I would randomly kick their asses.

Back in my day we actually listened to bands and then bought their T-shirts. We listened to bands like AC/DC and Sabbath because they brought the rock and because we were pretty sure that they were into some evil shit. It was like eating from the forbidden tree. Our parents might hear from other parents that these bands worshipped Satan and bring it up in an unconvincingly casual manner on the way to school. We would laugh it off, even though we were pretty sure that it was true. That was part of the alure. Zeppelin, like Robert Johnson before them, had “sold their souls to the devil”. AC/DC stood for “antichrist devil child”, or something to that effect. Neil Diamond ate babies.

The music scared us all a bit, and then it motivated us to purchase the secondary merchandise. That is the natural order of things.

Now there are AC/DC t-shirts, hats, flip-flops, and other assorted whatnot for a generation of kids who may very well have never heard them. Bon Scott choked to death on his own vomit in the back seat of a car, and now some little cheerleader is wearing his band’s t-shirt while listening to Blink 182 on her iPod.

Is nothing sacred? Is nothing free from commercialization? Is there any way to erase the image of the “for those about to FA/RT, we salute you” shirt they were selling along side it?

Sweet coasting Jesus on a Segway, people.

Look, if I wear a Zeppelin shirt it is because they kick much ass, and I would like to offer my services as a billboard. If I wear an AC/DC t-shirt it is because they still make me feel like I could put my head through a brick wall. If I wear an Al Green shirt it is because I get the chills every time I hear Al Green.

And if I wear my Grateful Dead shirt it must be laundry day.