what's she building in there?

Here our Rex will attempt the seemingly difficult task of impersonating Brad Schmitt, Nashville’s version Joan Rivers trapped in the unkempt body of a drunken and disheveled Steve Gutenberg long after fame has passed him by. Can a man engage in local celebrity gossip and still maintain a shred of dignity? Read on to find out, brave reader.

I can understand a healthy dislike of Steve Gutenberg, but what do you have against Schmitty?

He is a grown man who (and perhaps I give him too much credit with my choice of verbs here) feigns interest in the Backstreet Boys for a living.

I have nothing but respect for the man and find him to be a beacon of journalistic integrity amid a sea of worthless hacks.

Don’t tell me you’re holding out hope for a shout out, you pompous bastard! We don’t need that kind of pub.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Just get on with it.

Anyway, a reliable source witnessed my sweet Gillian emerge from Nashville’s Woodland Studios and climb into an awaiting Cadillac Escalade on Saturday afternoon.

I parked beside Gillian outside the Station Inn a few years back, and she certainly wasn’t driving a Caddy Escalade at the time. I don’t remember the specific model of vehicle, but it was something long, pointy, and vintage. It looked like the kind of car that Hank Williams could’ve died in, and I gazed upon it and smiled.

Does this indicate that Gillian Welch all about the bling now? Is she working on a new hybrid genre of “folk hop” or perhaps even “gangsta folk”? Will she and David Rawlings blend their sweet and other worldly harmonies on lines about how hard it is for a pimp out there? Was there a chilled bottle of Cristal awaiting my lovely songbird in what may or may not be her new ride?

I know not the answers to these or similar questions, as Mrs. Welch could not be reached for comment. This probably has more to do with my having no idea as to how one would go about reaching her than an attempt at avoidance on her part, but I thought it needed to be said.

This much is true: Whatever emerges from that studio will be infinitely better than anything else that comes out of this town between now and whenever my Gillian decides to again grace a local studio with her presence.

And anyone who says otherwise is obviously itching for me to bust a cap in his or her respective ass.