the lawn ranger
I started a landscaping job today to fill in the gaps left by my multitude of other half-jobs. This is the slow time of year for them, and it is also a great time to be outside. It will probably cut down on my blog reading and posting time, but there should be a sufficient number of rainy days for me to catch up.
However, this also means that they guy pruning that oak leaf hydrangea outside your office window might be me.
Then again, maybe not. We mostly do private residences, and you may have just foolishly waived at your office building’s landscaping guy. I’m sure that won’t be awkward.
No, it is more likely that I am at your house right now. I might be pulling weeds in the flowerbed, going Edward Scissorhands on the shrubs, sneaking into your house to drink your beer, and then…maybe…possibly…trying on your wife’s clothes.
But look at it this way: I will probably stretch them out. The next time she wears that black cocktail dress it will no doubt hang more loosely, and she will think that she’s lost weight.
However, this also means that they guy pruning that oak leaf hydrangea outside your office window might be me.
Then again, maybe not. We mostly do private residences, and you may have just foolishly waived at your office building’s landscaping guy. I’m sure that won’t be awkward.
No, it is more likely that I am at your house right now. I might be pulling weeds in the flowerbed, going Edward Scissorhands on the shrubs, sneaking into your house to drink your beer, and then…maybe…possibly…trying on your wife’s clothes.
But look at it this way: I will probably stretch them out. The next time she wears that black cocktail dress it will no doubt hang more loosely, and she will think that she’s lost weight.
We all win.
posted by Rex L. Camino at 7:28 PM
13 Comments:
I love you, Blogspam.
Especially when you come across this tidbit on Ken's linK:
A secret move to use with the nozzel
The Blog of Doom has now repaid me more than I can ever return..
congratulations on taking your first step into the vast verdant field that is the landscaping industry. it's good to blog about new gigs and how they compare and contrast to old gigs (see "soul crushing new office job" on my myspace page).
i only regret that you were not able to fall under my iron boot during my reign as "yard captian" but i'm sure Hornsby is a worthy replacement...and i've loaned him my iron boot!
So when you see a little red car drive by and honk at you, you can know that it's me. Fully supporting the new gig. Or maybe I just thought you were hot.
Can we now call you Groundskeeper Rexie?
Or would that just be wierd?
Wierder?
Oh, and thanks, Ken. DO check back often.
Sethro, I purposefully waited until your iron boot had been passed to one who would not be so quick to weild it.
I barely have the energy to type right now, but it is better than most soul crushing office jobs I've had, and I've had plenty.
Jill, I will be the one wearing the "Groundskeeper Rexie" shirt as soon as I can get some printed up. And I only look hot if you count the sunburn and gallons of sweat.
made you sumpthin.
I obviously need a job.
i thought my hedges looked like shit. now i know...it's the drunken, cross-dressing gardener.
I am only drunk when I do the hedges, Newt. I save the cross dressing for when I use all your musical equipment to perform some of my favorite Bette Midler numbers.
You mean that hottie in the picture isn't you?
I'm crushed.
that explains the lipstick on my microphone. you gotta love a cross dressing landscaper doing bette midler. let me see if i can find my barry manilow shirts and we'll have a duet.
Manilow and Middler. They could've kicked the Captain and Tenille's asses anyday.
I still think I'm a hottie, Jill. And that's all that matters.
Because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.
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