Monday, January 22, 2007

a brief note to any unemployed bloggers or people who simply stumble onto the humble blog o' doom and just so happen to be in a state of unworkingness

The place where I work feign the appearance of working is currently hiring for a couple of big projects that begin in mid February. The only thing one needs to qualify is:
1. A four year college degree. It can be in basket weaving, and I'm living proof that one needn't have accomplished it within four years.
2. That's pretty much it. I would say that you also need a pulse but that has been disproved.
3. No, that doesn't mean that I created a workforce of zombies. I wish. Zombies follow orders.
You also have to go through an interview and write an essay, but this consists of little more than making sure you can read, write, and appear semi-sane when clients are in the building. Also, there is a slight chance that you may have the misfortune of working directly under my supervision. Pray that this does not come to fruition. However, if so, it is probably best that you know of some special additions to the company rules that I demand of my workers:
1. I am only to be awakened in an emergency. An "emergency" consists of A) my boss has entering the room, B) the room happening to be on fire or in some other state that endangers my mortal, yet soundly slumbering flesh, or C) me sleeping through my lunchbreak again. You, however, will not be allowed to sleep. This rare, yet all too believable narcolepsy-like affliction of mine is my story, and it took me quite some time to craft it and forge the doctor's note.
2. You don't actually smell alcohol on my breath. That's just a side effect of the medicine I have to take for whatever it is that I said I had.
Anyway, it won't be the best job you've ever had, but you've undoubtedly had worse.
I should also mention that I am in lower middle management and therefore have no say in the hiring process and that my employers either have no knowledge of "Rex L. Camino" or there exists an unspoken agreement to pretend that they have no knowledge of him. I can't remember which it is, but it works best for all involved.
Feel free to email me at rlcamino at copper dot net if interested.
Also, I don't know if I'm going to capitulate to this new blogger business or find somewhere else to go. Late January to March is my busy time of the year and I've far less time to be around the computer anyway, so I haven't given the matter much thought. We'll see. Perhaps I'll capitulate for a while.


Blogger newscoma said...

I tell everyone the alcohol on my breath is the cool, fresh scent of Hai Karate to make me more interesting when I want people to buy me beer.
It sometimes works except they only buy me PBR.

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can dig the narcolepsy thing...

Hey, if you wanna move, same offer I've made everyone else goes for you too. I can move you to WP and you won't have to lift a finger, and all your stuff will come with you (including posts/comments if you haven't changed to New Blogger yet). Including your header, and you're allowed one commercial link on your blog so your Cafepress link can come too.

If nothing else, why don't you let me go ahead and set you up a prototype and you can take a look and play around with it to decide... and that way at least we'll get the majority of your posts and comments somewhere safe. 'cos I don't think you're going to have the choice of making the switch to New Blogger much longer... you may wake up one day soon and like CLC, have to.

Email me at thelynnsterzone at gmail dot com if you want me to fix you up...

1:29 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Do they still make Hai Karate?

Gracias, Lynnster. I'll try and email you this week when I get a rare free moment.

7:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe stupid Blogger actually took that post. I waited 20 minutes for it to post and thought it was trashed and was about to email you. Phew.

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyway, yes, be happy to move you (in fact I just posted about it), so just holler if you're interested.

8:36 PM  
Blogger newscoma said...

Umm...I'm not sure but it seemed sorta groovy to write it.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous sista smiff said...

I wish I had a four year degree. I wish I had a degree of any sort. Just to be able to say Rex L. Camino is my boss man.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Diplomas aren't that hard to forge...or so I'm told.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We got one last week for Squeegee Monkey from the Beer Ministry.
I wish I was lying.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

That sounds even better than being ordained in the Universal Life Church.

6:44 AM  
Blogger LeBlanc said...

I would be soooo willing to fake a diploma at this point.

12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had 8 years of high school, will that suffice?

Assuming it does, it should be noted that I am an early riser, but i do not commute in traffic, so may day will have to take place between the hours of 10:30 and 2:30 pm, Monday through thursday. (Fridays are bad all day) Also, i cannot be expected to be completely sober by 10;30, it should be acknowledged if not celebrated that i am at least there. I'm ok skipping the nap, but require 45-105 minutes a day for quiet reflection, which may or may not culminate in masturbation, but you can plainly see why i will need a large office with a lockable door. All I ask for vacation time is the same i got when i defended our country against various marauders while bartending at Fort Ord, that is, 30 days paid each year. i do not care how far away i have to park, but i demand my own covered spot, i will not subject my beloved truck to the whimsey of Tennessee weather. Feel free to drop what you are doing and run to the boss's office to show him or her this offer, but i only interview here in my living room, call it the home-field advantage. i await your call.


12:41 PM  

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