rex finally sees "revenge of the sith"

I finally made it to the new Star Wars movie. I’m not one for a crowded theater and generally wait about a month to slip in for a relatively empty afternoon showing to see these things. I should’ve perhaps given it another week or so, but that was no fault of the film itself. As with most my outings lately, I found myself harassed by some over indulgent soccer mom type with a string of little heathen in toe.

Soccer Mom: Can you keep it down back there?
Rex: This will just take a minute, Ma’am.
Soccer Mom: You’re making a lot of noise and my kids can’t hear the movie.
Rex: Your kids haven’t shut up since you walked in here five minutes late. I don’t think this will bother them.
Soccer Mom: What is that thing?
Rex: It is a martini shaker, if you must know.
Soccer Mom: Do you have to keep shaking it?
Rex: Ma’am, it isn’t going to shake itself, despite being called a shaker. I suppose that is a misnomer, now that you mention it. I appear to be the one doing all the shaking. Ha! You have a keen eye for a breeder. Let us henceforth call it my martini shakee, or however you would spell it.
Soccer Mom: I don’t think you’re supposed to have that in here.
Rex: I don’t think your little bastards are supposed to be jumping on the seats now, are they. Besides, that fat one on the end has been farting like Mamma Cass near a campfire for the last ten minutes. Can the father only afford Kibbles & Bits for his illegitimates? I wasn’t going to say anything, but if you want to start something…
Soccer Mom: I don’t think you should be drinking in here either.
Rex: Well, when else do you propose that I have my 3 o’clock martini?
Soccer Mom: Sometime when you’re not around my kids.
Rex: Perhaps the little savages could stand to be around some culture. Did you ever think about that?

I know full well that we are living in a society and I make every effort to get along with all these poor saps around me. Hell, I kept my interaction with the screen to a minimum and even blew my cigarette smoke in the opposite direction of this wench and her brood. I am quite the southern gentleman.

But I digress. This should not lead me astray from my important review of a movie that everyone else on the planet has already seen multiple times.

Someone had told me that this one was better even than Empire Strikes Back. I didn’t believe them at the time and still don’t agree now that I’ve seen it. Comparing the two trilogies is really an apple and oranges deal, yet it is inevitable. I will say this though: Revenge of the Sith blows episodes one and two out of the water. I will even put it above Return of the Jedi. It had that quality of making me want to rush home to begin my Jedi training as soon as I left the theater, same as the original trilogy. I didn’t get that from the first two.

However, it still had that B-movie level script that Lucas annoys me with. Each actor gives an Oscar worthy performance by being able to keep a straight face, even the computer generated ones. Natalie Portman and that guy who played Vader could do nothing with the script, while Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford always had a good chemistry and way of letting us know that they knew just how hokie the dialogue was.

However, the real hero here is John Williams. He is the constant thread running through both trilogies and I would venture to say that he could score film of George Lucas waxing his back and make it compelling. If you were to take the music out of the “Vader in the suit for the first time” scene it would resemble more Rick Moranis in Spaceballs, but with the subtle strains of the “Imperial March” to punctuate it one is given to chills. Kudos to you, John Williams, for your under appreciated genius has again saved Lucas from himself.

Now if someone could please alert the authorities as to the fact that I have apparently broken my leg in a misjudging of the distance between the dresser and bed, and that my makeshift light saber has fallen too far from the bed to serve as a makeshift crutch, I would be grateful. Please hurry, as this will undoubtedly hurt like hell when I sober up.