i see you when i'm sleeping
Mrs. Camino swears that I was sleeping with my eyes open the other night.
Now, any number of current and former coworkers and even a few passengers in the Rexmobile will attest to the fact that I sometimes appear comatose while maintaining the minimal amount of energy and enthusiasm for any given task. However, this rarely happens during the time allotted for slumber.
Perhaps this is a trade off for my seemingly vanquished insomnia.
Then again, it could be just another way of keeping my enemies at bay, namely Santa (the cat known on this blog as) Bukowski, as he tends to prey on the sleeping.
Although he is rarely caught on film, a glass of eggnog left on the counter last year retarded his cat-like swiftness just enough for me to snap this.
posted by Rex L. Camino at 6:12 PM
6 Comments:
IT DOES NOT SUPRISE ME THAT HE COULD NOT BE CAUGHT ON FILM, NOR THAT HE (SANTA) WOULD BE A SWIFT FELINE. HE WOULD HAVE TO BE NOT ONLY A SUPER FAST CAT BUT, IN FACT, ACAT WHO WOULD MAKE ANY PHYSICIST'S HEAD SPIN. HERE'S WHY:
Do the principles of quantum mechanics apply only at the atomic level, or should they be understood to regulate macroscopic mythologies as well? The perennial debate continues. John Keller, for example, offered a classical proof (in a recent issue of Spy magazine) designed to demonstrate the impossibility of Santa Claus. Keller noted that in order to deliver presents to hundreds of millions of children throughout the world, Santa would need to visit at least 822.6 homes per second. But this would mean that the sleigh would have to travel at 650 miles per second, which would cause the lead pair of reindeer to absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second, thus bursting into flames and pinning Santa to the back of the sleigh with 4,315,015 pounds of force. Keller concluded that "if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas eve, he’s dead now."
Unimpressed by this appeal to classical causality, however, Gerald Huber argues (see Skeptic, 2:4, 26-27) for a closer examination of what he calls the "S-effect"--a neutral field theory in which very small anomalies in recorded annual gift distributions are shown to violate the predictions of classical models. According to Huber, Keller'’s analysis calculates GDV (gift delivering velocity) on the assumption that Santa has to be sequentially present at every spot where the S-effect takes place. But this assumption mistakenly overlooks the fact that a complete description of the S-effect includes non-local correlations between certain dates of the year and the frequencies of appearances of gifts.
Until more exact calculations have been recorded, it is doubtful that any final resolution to this issue will emerge. There is, nevertheless, always the possibility that some sort of Cartesian, a priori proof will clear the haze that presently confounds both believers and skeptics alike.
So you are telling me that Santa actually died long ago, and that mother and father Camino were being untruthful when they attributed the lack of gifts beneath our tree to my having unclean thoughts.
No, Rex that was real. you thoughts were/are unclean and what you were doing to yourself was wrong.
oh, and santa'a fine. he is a jolly old elf and they are not subject to the laws of physics and are also, for all practical purposes, immortal unless pierced by an orc or goblin blade which will never happen since orcs and goblins are clearly fictional creatures.
Oh. CUTE!!!!!
That's what he wants you to think, Muffy.
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