Sunday, January 29, 2006


When sick, I generally subsist on orange juice, chicken soup, and various hot teas seemingly comprised of chai, ginger root, and the discarded toenail clippings of Himalayan Sherpas. I stay medicated and make a valiant attempt at avoiding all alcohol, tobacco, and even firearms. The inability to sleep and breathe makes for great motivation.
Last night I broke the cycle of infirmed sobriety with the help of Guinness Extra Stout. It worked, by God, and for most of the evening my sickness lifted. My body was numb, but my brain was thankful for the oxygen. I was cured.
Can we then assume that there is a greater healing power in Irish toenails?
It is possible, I suppose, but sadly short-term. When the Guinness and subsequent Miller High Lifes (or is it Miller High Lives?) faded, my disease returned.
This leads me to ask this important medical question: Is there anyone out there with recognized medical license willing to write me a prescription for Guinness that is acceptable to my employers? You can even write a case study with me as the lab rat.
This is science, damn it.


Blogger red molly said...

"Guinness Is Good For You", that's one of their slogans and I'm with you I think it should be allowed into the workplace. It's also very good for a hangover.

7:47 AM  
Blogger Peggasus said...

Well, I don't have a recognized medical license, but I would be more than willing to volunteer my services for the placebo group of this study.

I'm a humanitarian like that.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Wally Bangs said...

Guinness is the best. Drink stout to make yourself stout. And fit.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Joe Mama said...

Chicken soup will always work. There's the story of the lady at the funeral service. The mourners are gathered and she's yelling, "Give him chicken soup! Give him chicken soup." Finally somebody said, "Lady, what good is chicken soup going to do for him? He's dead." She said, "It couldn't hurt."

3:11 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Chicken soup is fine, but I would wager that most corpses would opt for the Guinness.

8:30 PM  

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