Thursday, January 19, 2006

he blinded you with political science

I will need a good campaign bio to get anywhere with this, so here is a rough draft of my early years:
Rex L. Camino was born in a tarpaper shack that he helped his father build sometime in the mid seventies in rural north Alabama. The Caminos were an impoverished share cropping family who shunned literacy and anything that would keep them from rising above the lot of impoverished sharecroppers. Father Camino was known to torch fields of crops that appeared to abundant and profitable, as good fortune was known to bring about literacy, hygiene, and an all around state of unpoverishedness that would eventually lead comfort and an “uppityness” that so often accompanies education and the realistic expectation of living to meet the given average life span of the time.

By the way, the Caminos grew tobacco (unless you happen to be a registered voter in a non-tobacco growing/anti-tobacco state. In that case, the Caminos grew a bunch of organic crap and were friends with Willy Nelson. Hell, the Willy Nelson thing works for all states, so we’ll run with that part either way).

Father Camino also had some sort of factory job and belonged to an assortment of unions, most of them having nothing to do with his particular factory, as it was actually an un-unionized place of business. He simply believed in paying union dues…and church tithes. He would often take the family by horse drawn cart to have their blood and plasma withdrawn to meet these dues and tithes. The horses, by the way, were well treated and often slept in the single bedroom of the tarpaper shack while the family tried to sleep in the cart, one of them always remaining awake to fan the smoke of the burning fields away from Mother and Father Camino and the other eighteen children.

Yes, there was a total of twenty-one of them living just outside that one bedroom tarpaper shack, and most of them had these really unfortunate names that Mother Camino had picked out from the Bible.

It was hard to feign illiteracy while reading the Bible every night, but mother Camino was able to pull it off.
At any rate, with eighteen other siblings around, it was relatively easy for Rex to slip off during a rare family vacation to Dollywood. He was drawn, like so many before him, to the bright lights and infinite promise of the greater Gatlinburg dinner theater scene.


Blogger Peggasus said...

If I didn't need every single drop of the vodka & tonic I am currently sucking down before heading out to the Awards and Parent Recognition Thingy at the middle school in 15 minutes in honor of the 8th graders' last home basketball game, I would have spit some of it all over my monitor and keyboard while reading this.

My hat is off to you, sir. If I wore a hat, that is.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Gracias, Peggasus. Spitting something on your monitor is the ultimate compliment, but alcohol is not to be wasted.

5:10 PM  

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