the first three things i would do to make this or any other season of "gilmore girls" more enjoyable for the television viewing public

1. Have one or preferably both of the Gilmore girls get kicked in the throat by a pack mule and thus injured in such a way as to leave them without the benefit of speech. I suppose that a plot with a mute-rendering virus would provide the same effect, but it would not have the added benefit of alerting the public to the very real danger of being kicked in the throat by a seemingly harmless pack mule. Anyway, the goal here is less of that rapid-fire talky-talk between the two of them while extras stand around portraying Star's Hollowites with patient shit-eating grins stretched across their faces. In real life, any number of even the kindest of small town New Englanders would have violently revoked the Gilmorian "gift" for the gab long ago.

2. I've been watching for years now, and Luke's hat has only grown more distracting. I want to like the character, but the hat, much like the ever present tool belt that draped Schneider on One Day at a Time, has disabled my ability to seriously consider him as a love interest. However, Rory's dad doesn't work either. No, what we need fresh blood.

Yes, I am also thinking that this could signal Jan Michael Vincent's triumphant return to television.

3. Have Lorelei's father (played by Edward Herrmann) turn out to be the head vampire. I like both him and his character, but all those redundant letters in the his last name have always bothered me. Still, we can give him a good send off and make a memorable season out of it. We can even have cameos by Keifer Sutherland and the Corys Haim and Feldman. He can kill off Sebastian Bach and all of Rory's annoying boyfriends first and then spend a few episodes proving himself a powerful and seemingly unstoppable plot twist.

...that is, until he meets the Airwolf.