a random collection of superbowl notes

Why are other people singing Stevie Wonder’s songs with Stevie sitting right there?

Good national anthem, but I still don’t get Aaron Neville’s face tattoo. Aaron Neville is a big man who does not need intimidation accessories.
What the hell kind of animal did they kill for Aretha’s coat?

Aretha could use a face tattoo.

I could also use a face tattoo. I will get one that depicts Mohammed.

Keep it calm, Seattle. You’re moving the ball and making progress. It is a game of mistakes, and there is no bigger mistake than Roethlisberger’s attempt at facial hair.

It now occurs to me that this Superbowl is between two mustachioed head coaches. Has this ever happened before?

I believe that it has not. We are a part of history.

A commercial about a little girl with a balloon who mistakenly thinks her father has just passed away. Is there anything funnier? We shall see.

Keep the three and outs coming.

Field goal. First blood.

A monkey lighting a cigar with a hundred dollar bill is funnier than a little girl with a balloon mistakenly thinking her father dead. The Quiet Riot and the upside down chart are nice, but it’s the little things like the smoking monkey with a disregard for paper currency that makes a commercial.

THAT IS NOT A FREAKIN’ TOUCHDOWN! HE DID NOT BREAK THE PLANE! DUMBASS ZEBRA SONVABITCH!

I AM NOT YELLING AT THE TELEVISION!

Halftime. I microwaved a burrito and poured myself another glass of Pinot Noir.

At least the Stones aren’t lip-synching. A late seventies plane crash would’ve made them a better band, but I can’t say that I would’ve faded more gracefully were I in their place. Still, is there any more overrated song in the history of recorded music than “Satisfaction”?

No, there is not.

Okay, that’s a touchdown. Seventy-five freakin’ yards for Willy Parker.

Ah. Another “Mission Impossible” film is upon us. I’m sure there’s nothing glib about that.

Interception! Touchdown! Reason to keep watching!

Antwaan Randle Freakin’ Hell. I knew there was a trick play coming and so did you, Holmgren. Shit.

Harry Dean Anderson reprises his role as “MacGuyver” for a commercial. Nice.

Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? No shit. I never would’ve guessed.

Are these commercials for real movies? Seriously?

Eleven points down with just under two minutes to go. This is no time to play grab ass.

This is also no time for alligator arms. I’m looking at you, Mack Strong.

Fourth down.

Now it’s first down.

Now they screw it up and Cower is covered in Gatorade and crying like a little bitch. My white trash neighbors are shooting fireworks, and thousands of bandwagon jumpers everywhere are rewarded.

Now, let it be known that Rex L. Camino has much love for the Steelers. I pulled for them through the playoffs and would’ve pulled for them again in the Superbowl if they had played any other team. The Seahawks had a bald quarterback and a running back from the University of Alabama, and those factors left me with no other choice than to pull for Seattle.

Congratulations, Steelers.

At least it wasn’t Peyton.